Welcome back to When Faith Meets Suffering with Trench Classes United and Kim-Evinda. We understand that social media is all about the “happy” side of life and for many, it’s a sort of pretend world. We get that trouble and tears don’t make for a good blog, but we pray that as she walks through this season transparently, you will be encouraged when you walk through a difficult time of any measure, remembering who walks with you. Let’s get back to the story.
“Nana, can I ride my scooter and you and papa follow me?”
“You bet, love. Let’s do this.”
Their grandson had been a very comfortable and easy distraction from their pain, yet every time she looked in his eyes, she still saw that taunted emptiness, the very same look she had lived with in the not-so-distant past when he had made a decision that changed the course of their lives, one that they were still feeling the effects of.
“Why do you look so taunted? You still don’t have peace, do you?”
Where’s your heart?
Is it still over there with them…with her
“Yes, I guess it is. It was a fantasy, the way she treated him. I thought she treated him good; she doted on him.”
“And you don’t feel I dote on you?”
“Well, more so now, but no, not so much in the past.”
“And that’s worth throwing this marriage away?”
The dialogue began to spurt out, and though it was painful, it was incredibly eye opening. As the words came in waves, her tears flowed. The crazy truth is she had felt all that he was feeling, but many years ago. The difference was/is she never acted upon it. The realization that she had truly learned to love unconditionally did little to comfort her in the midst of the gut-wrenching pain.
When they had come to their corner, she turned to him to say one final thing: “I pray that you get on your knees sooner than later, that you do business with God and get your heart right, find the peace you’re missing before you make a mistake that can’t be reversed.”
She walked the rest of the way home alone, blinded by her tears. She didn’t want her grandson to be near any of her sorrow. As soon as she came inside, she busied herself in the kitchen, packing lunches and cleaning up and when they had come back in she went out to the garage to look for her large suitcase. She couldn’t do this anymore.
The large tub caught her eye and she thought to herself how much easier that would make it. She quickly grabbed the ladder, her sobs stifling out the noise of it sliding across the concrete as she drug it into the garage and up against the cabinet. She climbed up and grabbed it, and inside was a smaller tub. The reality of what she was about to begin doing hit her like an angry wave and she fought back another sob, determined to ride this wave out and see it to the end.
When she came inside, her grandson was watching T.V., and he was in the office so she made her way upstairs, easily unnoticed.
She placed the tubs in the spare room, wiped her tears, blew her nose and then reminded little guy to take his shower.
When she heard the water, she resumed what she was doing. She grabbed the majority of her things out of each dresser drawer and began placing them in the tub in the other room.
She saw him out of the corner of her eye making his way upstairs.
“What are you doing?”
“Are you leaving?”
She made two more trips to the other room. When she returned, he was sitting on the bed, looking remorseful. “I don’t want you to go; this is your home. I’ll go.”
She shared all her reasons why she would be the one leaving, adding at the end that she believed that God could heal what was broken and make the marriage better than it had ever been.
He confessed to being broken, begged her not to leave. “I’ll start fixing myself,” he cried. “I still love you. I don’t want you to go.”
She sobbed into his arms, knowing this season was far from over.
The day after this incredibly emotional night, my devotional from Tony Evans was on the name of Jesus, Jehovah El Gemuwal, the one who fights for us, vindicates us, rights what has been done wrong to us.
I’ll close this week’s blog with this prayer, and if you are experiencing any sort of brokenness in any relationship, I pray this will be your prayer as well.
“Jehovah El Gemuwal forgive me for when I try to take my own revenge. Forgive me for when I fear that you won’t. Forgive me for those times when I am angry and fearful because I am being bullied or wronged, and I forget to trust in your great name Jehovah El Gemuwal. You see all. You know all. You leave no stone unturned. I don’t need to go and tell everyone else when I am wronged, rather I only need to look to you because you will repay. You will not be mocked. Forgive me for forgetting this far too often.