As we prepared to film this segment, the nerves began to rumble within, threatening to send me running as I had no idea how this was going to play out. I was NOT in control! 😊
Welcome to Wednesday’s Word with Kim-Evinda and Trench Classes United.
We had been in North Carolina filming for a day and a half and it was time to film the Root Removal segment. Normally we interview and walk through this part of every trench with another Trencher, but since our filming location was out of state, that wasn’t possible.
Steve and I had talked beforehand about this part of the filming and he had reminded me that the season I am in right now is not just my story, and it’s still playing out, so I couldn’t share it. His words spoke to my need to be heard, understood, and replaced my cry for justice with a peace and a surrender that led me to understand that I didn’t just land where I’m at in my life; that there were a series of events that had led me there.
I had done a little bit of prepping for this segment, but not too much. I wanted the healing to be real, not rehearsed. My prayer: that others would receive healing as well. I knew the questions that would be asked of me, but I didn’t have all of the answers…until he asked.
I can’t even put into words the power of the process. There I was, camera rolling, raw and vulnerable with tears streaming down my face, sharing the pain over my inability to recognize the warning signs, but also recognizing there wasn’t a whole lot I could do. I shared how helpless, scared and betrayed I felt when signs and symptoms of an identity crisis began to show themselves. I owned my inabilities in the process, shared my would-have’s, should-have’s. Before I knew it, the words “That’s a wrap” brought me back. But I wasn’t the same; I was lighter, more free, free from the anger and resentments that had bound me up for over 15 months. I was finally able to let go and let God take control of this situation and bring all involved healing and restoration.
The next day on the plane ride home, I turned to Steve and said, “I didn’t say anything disrespectful, did I?”
His response made my heart soar with gratitude: “No, and as a matter of fact, I thought it was so cool that you kept it to your feelings about their actions without focusing on their actions.”
I now know in my heart that no matter what happens, I’m going to be okay because I am finally learning the value of truly separating the sin from the sinner, the actions/attitudes from the actor, leaving me free to forgive and soar thru this season without the extra baggage of resentments and unforgiveness.
Friend, can I encourage you in your journey to become more healthily self-aware for then you too can become more selfless; in other words, when we process what we are feeling, we are free to continue loving and letting others be who they are, right where they are.
None of us is without sin and His Word reminds us of that in Romans 5:8: “But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
While the “act” or His “gift” was completed long ago, the gift of His love is ongoing.