When Faith Meets Suffering-Part 3
She looked at the clock; 3:15 a.m.! She had fought so hard for sleep, but with his snoring, and her raging and rampant thoughts, she had only slept a couple of hours. Now here she lay…again, trying to ward off a panic attack as the events of the last couple of months came rushing back at her like waves of a stormy sea.
Welcome back to When Faith Meets Suffering with Trench Classes United and Kim-Evinda. We understand that social media is for happy, and for many, pretend world; that trouble and tears don’t make for a good blog, but we pray that as she walks through this season, you will be encouraged when you walk through a difficult time of any measure, remembering who walks with you. Let’s get back to the story.
Just the night before she had asked him if he felt he owed an apology to her husband. His response sent her reeling backwards into despair. He didn’t feel he did. His words, “I’m sure there have been hundreds of men who have been attracted to her” baffled her.
“Lord, what am I missing? Show me what I’m not seeing; help me hear what I’m not hearing. Who is this man, Lord?”
The questions tumbled out of her as she cried silently, trying to make sense of his cluelessness, so discouraged by his ability to be so unaware of the pain and misery he and she have caused. As her heart switched directions to her, it began to bleed again, and she couldn’t stop the tears. The betrayal was still so raw, so real. And though she understood how each of them had fallen for the trap of this emotional affair, it didn’t stop the pain, or the questions from overwhelming her.
How can I stay with someone so…she couldn’t even finish her question as she finally got into bed, only to cry herself to sleep.
She sat up to ward off the panic attack flooded with a re-awakening of the questions she had asked God to help her get answers to before going to sleep. ‘When will this nightmare be over, Father?’ The groaning of her soul caused her to lie back down in a fetal position in an attempt to quiet her mind. There was no escaping this pain. The suffering was real. She prayed for Abba to just hold her through the unanswered questions, to quiet her mind so she could sleep.
Waves of quiet began to wash over her and her body began to relax, little by little.
“He is unaware of his sin and the pain he has caused because his heart is still in it…” She lay there knowing that God had just spoken into the very crevices of her betrayed and bleeding soul. Peace started to warm her and she imagined Abba holding her as she began to relax.
“…and you don’t get to tell him this,” God whispered.
Sleep finally came wrapping her in a loving blanket of peace.
Just because we are in a period of suffering, doesn’t mean we get to cause those who have caused us pain to suffer. In other words, we need to let God be God, let the Holy Spirt do His job of convicting and always remember, He doesn’t need our help.
So while this is one of the most painful and incredibly uncertain times in my life, I marvel at the beauty that He is weaving in between the pain, allowing me to learn things I otherwise might not have learned, things that will carry me into eternity and into the Father’s arms of love, a love that will never, ever leave me or forsake me or fall out of love with me!
Until next week